Careno, Lago di Como

si me das a elegir, blaring through my bluetooth speaker as I write this.

what a month June has been.

(apologies for the slight delay with this post, I was in Malta and laptopless for the first week of this month so I had no way of writing and posting this.)

for me, time tends to just clump into one big ugly mass, occasionally punctured into my memory by a specific event or feeling, like november 2018 which will forever be characterised by the overwhelming lonliness and depression that I was drowning in. or april of 2019 which I will remember by the trips I took to Valencia and Morocco. I would say that June is the same.

same but different.

same in that it is a month I don't think I will ever forget. but different in that it is unique and unforgettable in a novel way. a month I will look back on in 70 years time when I'm old and weak and frail and aged and I'll smile to myself and my heart will break into song and the faded washed out colours of life will be bright again because it was the month I truly lived my youth with reckless abandon and travelled and fell in love and kissed and ticked off firsts and oh my god I really have loved and let live or lived and then just let love take me from there...

with every new month that approaches, I simultaneously pine for the crisp white sterility of a whole unscathed four weeks ahead which I can take as I want...but I have found myself not wanting this month to end. I don't want to ever move on from the euphoria of this month. but, the prospect of new layers, new trips, more kisses, more love, more sleepy train rides and more days in the sun and new experiences provides solace. maybe june will never be replicated but it's a fucking amazing foundation for the rest of the year.

I don't know where I'm going with this (spot a pattern with all my other blog posts yet?) I'm surprising myself with my ability to write a blog post about a... month. but I guess I just wanted to say that although I haven't been the most consistent on here, I am in a really good place. suspiciously good but i'm taking it as it comes and just riding the wave till it breaks. everything is clicking into place and the next few months/years.../decades are drenched in hope and optimism. and I know that whatever way life goes from here, I will always have the month of june 19 to remind me of the good in life, that good things do happen and they happen when it's least expected.

I hope you have all had a wonderful month and that July is going well for you and summer is living up to all your expectations. and if not, then it's okay. things come in waves, yours is yet to break.

lots of love,
dalal

4 comments

  1. I comment this on every one of your posts but your writing is truly and utterly beautiful and honest. I don't think I've related to a post about a month quite so much. I started June in the middle of my A Levels, pining for the end of the constant cycle of revision and I ended it in Madrid with a somewhat reckless abandon and like you, a lot of firsts. June has set up July to be another wave of happiness, punctuated by trips abroad and seeing friends and summer nights and new experiences. I could almost write a blog post in response to yours but I'll leave it as a comment. I hope you had an amazing time in Malta and July is just as fruitful xxx

    eleanorclaudie.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ahhh thank you so much Eleanor. It's crazy how much can happen in a month and how you can end the last few days of it in a completely different situation- it gives me lots of hope though, a reassurance that everything is, indeed, temporary! I can't wait to hear more about your travels and of course to see your upcoming adventures unfold. I would love to read a sister blog post of yours, honestly- write it!

      Dalal xx

      Delete
  2. This post was just beautiful. Honest. And I'm so glad for you, you sound sincerely happy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so so much. I love this comment. I hope everything is going well for you, sincerely.

      Dalal xx

      Delete

Thank you for reading! I love reading comments and will always reply to them.

Lots of love, Dalal

© dalal tahira.