Wednesday, 20 June 2018

what I've been... #7

"hey babe, no no no I swear it's not what you think it is...I can make it up to you"

After breaking up with my blog almost 2 months ago, I'm back and (hopefully) more faithful than ever! It felt like being forcefully ripped away from a child but when compulsory education exams call, you've got to answer.

I thought it was only right to write one of these mammoth update posts. A lot has happened since the last time I wrote one of these in April.

what i've been doing-
Sitting my final a-level exams. And now they're all done, 9 exams later! It feels so strange to have finally gotten them done, it has been something I've been anticipating since the start of sixth form, more so in the few months before they actually started. A brief break down of how they went: Spanish went quite well, History went okay too and then Biology was absolutely shambolic and I can firmly say that I despise OCR. Every single day was just a cycle of revision and I was honestly so over it lol. 

Onto more exciting things...what have I been doing? Honestly it's just been revision (maybe next months "what I've been" will be much more exhilarating) Oh, I decided that I will take a gap year next year, pretty big life decision I know. Mostly because I forgot to apply for Student Finance and I just don't want to go to my firm nor my insurance choice either. I feel like my university application process was incredibly rushed last year, all for the sake of my Oxford application which needed to be sent off in the second week of October, so I had no time to actually go on open days- instead I applied to each place very blindly. I mean, I didn't even know what exact course I wanted to do until mid-September! So if you're approaching the university application process, the best piece of advice I'd give to you is: do not rush it. And if it doesn't go to plan, don't sweat it...there's always next year. 

You might have seen on my twitter but you know how people say that certain things that follow you around are a sign or an omen? I'VE BEEN SEEING "THE KISS" by Gustav Klimt everywhere. It's mostly in just fleeting moments but it's honestly the strangest thing ever. I first saw it in Vienna and since April I've been seeing it on the bus, in people's blog posts, on tumblr, twitter etc. I don't know what it could mean but it's so strange. I see it at least once a day now. If it's a sign of potential love interest then I shall accept it with open arms lol.

what i've been reading/watching-
Textbooks and revision guides. I have had no time to read on my own accord but I'm so excited to finally be able to do so now. I'm planning on hitting up a few people for book recommendations for the summer. I have a list of TV shows to watch as long as my arm (and I have *very* long limbs) so I'm planning on getting through those. La Casa de Papel is at the top of that list after multiple close occasions of me almost caving in and watching it but thankfully I restrained myself as last year I ended up using my study leave to watch OITNB and it did not go down well.

After coming home yesterday and having no idea what to do with myself, I decided to watch a Moroccan film called "Much Loved" which is about 4 prostitutes in Marrakech and it follows how they are treated by a, admittedly developing albeit very traditional, Moroccan society. It also explored the lives of LGBTQ+ individuals as well which is unheard of in such a society. In one scene, a woman and her transexual friend spoke about Spain and illegally immigrating there and it was so moving as he began imagining "being able to be yourself and express yourself without an Arab man looking at you and giving you trouble just for being who you are." It really solidified the struggle of women and LGBTQ+ people in North African countries where Islam and conservative societal ideals are still rife and homosexuality is still illegal. I would definitely recommend it to you however there are a few triggering scenes

what i've been listening to-
My own tears and my mum telling me "it's okay, there's always next year" 

yeah those exams broke me. 

too soon?

what i want-
Everything that has polka dots on it. I sound 5. I really love that print. So much so I bought two polka dot dresses on a whim. Ooooops.

I've weirdly gotten into the world of makeup lately, after 4 months of looking absolutely horrendous I feel like it's finally time to invest in my appearance...doesn't sound conceited at all. Fenty beauty's gloss bomb is calling my name, as well as a few bits from Nars (it's going to go down at duty free/sephora) Glossier have brought out a new cloud paint but I'm slightly hesitant because I've already found an alternate blush, which is actually a deep red lipstick no one uses, and it's pretty good. I've also been loving bronzer, it takes me from looking sallow to alive. Winner. 

what i've been anticipating-
A gap year (but I'm still not 100% sure, this is the life of a serially indecisive person) In terms of precise gap year plans, I have zero. I'm hoping to use the end of summer and most of September to visit university open days and then possibly get my application done by October. Thankfully I already had the experience of writing a personal statement last year so it won't be as daunting this year. I'm hoping I can just change my last paragraph of it to speak about gap year plans and perhaps put a bigger emphasis on the Spanish part of my potential degree course because as we've come to see, I bloody LOVE that language and I didn't give it much air-time in my predominantly history based personal statement last year. That would be so much more convenient and stress-free than having to write a completely new one. 

Whilst university is being applied for, I'll be working (woo) to save up some money. I'm not planning on embarking on a typical 'gap yah' travel expedition and thankfully Katie has shown me that it's not always the sole path to go down. What I really want to do is travel around Morocco, discovering new parts of my homeland and also improving my French and Arabic (but French especially because my speaking is sub-par...very embarrassing) There are so many cities I want to discover, Morocco is such a diverse country with different landscapes from heavy snow and skiing in Ifrane to the Sahara Desert in the South. Visiting small Amazigh ("berber") villages is on the top of my list. I would also like to do smaller trips too, Lisbon has been on my radar for the last couple of months now and also some central European places too. My gravitation towards Spain is already known on here so I will not bore you with details. 

I'm going to Madrid in less than 24 hours which seems crazy because I've been awaiting this trip for months now. As I booked it for a day after my exams, it always seemed so far away and out of reach with me having to undergo the hurdles of exams to finally reach it and now I have done just that! I'm so ready for all the tapas, the sun on my skin, long evenings and narrow cobbled streets. I bought a disposable camera yesterday (something about these £5 cameras basically signify that summer is here) so I can't wait to use that tomorrow as well as in Venice, Marrakech and Casablanca. I have a whole brain dump about my excitement for summer travelling here!

I think that's it! I've updated you guys on everything, I'm sure this wasn't the most exciting post to read ha, but it's a reflection of my life for the time I've been gone. Meh.

I'll be back with a blog post from Brighton and of course other travel posts from this summer and some other lifestyle content.

What have you been up to? Any summer plans? Leave them below!

*there are some rape and sexual harassment scenes in the film. 

Tuesday, 1 May 2018

summer dreaming

"peach and honey in the air, ice cream cones on the pavement, windows flung wide open, an orchard of apricot trees with wind chime breeze through the leaves and branches shimmering with the heat haze. there’s a timeless oil-painting or polaroid-worn-away-at-the edges kind of beauty about this dream and you, paint-splattered camera flash on your skin. you, and you, and you. I want to live like this forever. always reaching for each other and never quite touching. light bathing the marble-skin of your back, muscles rippling the way the river flows, softly, urgent. call it love, call it anything you want. in this life, it starts raining the second we say each other’s names / in the next, the world stops breathing right before we kiss for the first time / in another, we jump into the river at dawn and never come up for air." -an extract I found somewhere online

my mind has been littered with thoughts of the summer and new destinations. I think I have taken the term 'itchy feet' to a whole new level as I find myself trawling through airlines and air bnb's throughout the day, often spending hours conjuring up a trip. I like the idea of escaping somewhere and integrating myself into the place from small mannerisms to more explicit signs to try and disguise my dreaded tourist status. I never understand those people that go on holiday and spend the whole time tucked away in their hotel and getting red faced and huffy when they found out that not everyone speaks English. As I grow older and my independence soars, the thought of being able to travel somewhere, whether that's alone or with someone else, sends my mind into an over-excited scramble. When I think of places I would like to go, I like to think of every aspect of it from the places I'd see to the type of clothes I'd wear. I'm a very laid-back and fluid person and my personality and demeanour is able to morph with every place I go if necessary. 

Thinking of my trip to Madrid makes my heart flutter with the images of the strolling through historic centre and the thought of speaking and immersing myself in a language that rolls off the tongue so smoothly and dances languidly in the warm air. The soft, buttery sounds and high pitched trills of rolled r's and lisped c's that come with the Spanish language and the idea of finally being able to communicate in a country that is so dear to my heart is seriously a thought for battered minds. Rooftops, balmy weather, tapas, walking tours, cycling in the sun, imperial palaces, new metro experiences, rowing boats, art. I cannot wait to experience the capital that I have learnt so much about.

Then moving effortlessly to the Italian port city of Venice conjures up images of pale homes and lines of clothes drying, washed out with the beating sun. Intricate architecture that gives a whole new meaning of 'look up.' Hideously touristic gondolas which are so paradoxically beautiful housing loved up couples and plush red velvet seats streamlining through the turquoise water. Gingham skirts, bright coloured bandeaus. Flowing layers, almost as fluid as the soft sounds of the canal water ebbing against surfaces as you walk down quaint cobbled streets and alleyways, the bitter thought of the fact that in a few decades, water levels will rise and this city, that is so full of everything, will cease to exist and turn into nothing. The smell of tomato and basil filling the humid air and who cares if your hair's frizzy because you're in Venezia- the most beautiful city there is. 

And then there is the sensory overload that is Morocco.

I don't think I will ever be able to put into words the feeling of stepping off the Royal Air Maroc plane in Casablanca and smelling and feeling the thick heat of the country hit you all at once after such a sterile environment in the air. It is truly inexplicable. The first few days are a frenzy of hugs, kisses, 'you've grown so tall', questions on school, trying (and failing) to pick up the arabic and french again with each word. The call to prayer becomes your way of distinguishing what time and part of the day it is. You're woken up by the sounds of cockerels and chickens, even in the city. Sellers walking around neighbourhoods yelling for people to buy their fish, bread, veg or eggs. The occasional beggar asks for and stale bread and within minutes, women and children are throwing bags of bread from their windows. I have not visited Marrakech in 3 years so I'll be rediscovering the red city this summer in all its tiled, terracotta walled, palm tree glory. Street cats on every corner, basking in the 30 degree heat, new rooftop restaurants, brightly coloured walls and palm trees, barely swaying. 

Hearing the dialect change and become increasingly more Spanish as we progress up north will never cease to amaze me. Swimming in the mediterranean sea, which is substantially calmer than the atlantic that we have on the west coast, makes every worry I may have had in the last 11 months disappear. Hills and mountains, white homes painted with the intention of bouncing light off and warding off the heat. The north of Morocco feels like a completely different country and is a completely new experience. 

Perhaps we'll take the ferry across the strait of Gibraltar and travel to the southern coast of Spain. I have always wanted to show my family the colourful, charismatic cities that make up Andalusia. Orange tree lined promenades, yellow walls, extravagant wooden doors and tiles which makes a confusing cross between European and Islamic architecture. I have roamed the streets of Seville, Cordoba, Granada and Malaga before but I have been wanting to return ever since September 2016. The history of the region fascinates me, to think that so many different groups from the Romans to the Phoenicians to the Muslim Moors had established a rule in this place and what we see of it today is a result of these past occupations. The religious coexistence between Muslims, Jews and Christians under the Muslim rule, the conversion of Cordoba into the world's educational hub, the evolution of the Spanish language which sees many arabic influences, mudejar art and architecture and the subsequent Reconquista and Inquisition have essentially bridged the ever so important gap between history and language for me. I cannot wait to revisit with more knowledge on the history of the region so I can completely revel in it's beauty and past. 

And now is where the travelling line plateaus. The rest of August is a mystery. I could stay in London which isn't sounding half as bad. But then there's my 18th birthday which I can't help but feel pressured to make iconic and memorable. It is a milestone birthday, after all. I've toyed with the idea of Barcelona, where I'll have the ability to experience a region of Spain that I've never explored before. Or perhaps go and spend a few days in the country side again, something I will always appreciate. Lisbon is growing on my radar and may be a trip for September. You can also never go wrong with Paris...

I'll see where the month takes me. But for now, I am content. And I spend every day thinking of the summer to come. 

"Estoy deseando que llegue el fin de Junio, los días soleados, el calor: todo lo que no sea este invierno interminable" 


Friday, 13 April 2018

what I've been...#6

First of all, it's crazy to think that April is now in full swing and the spring and summer months are fast approaching. The arrival of Spring is a double edged sword; the warmer weather and longer days are ominously overshadowed by the fact that exams are one step closer. I must admit, March was an okay month. Nothing amazing happened but as I look through my camera roll (the one and only way to gage an opinion of a time in your life, apparently) I had some good days.

what i've been doing-
So, the start of March brought my Spanish oral mock which went well. I also submitted my History coursework on the 11th which was like a massive weight being lifted off my shoulders and even though I was shaking and felt sick to my stomach as I finalised my bibliography, typed in my full name and candidate number and clicked send, it was soon washed over with pure relief. It also snowed super heavily at the start of March (and sometime in mid March) which was a little bit of a shock but I made sure I spent every day making the most out of it. This sounds terrible but I don't know if there'll ever be another episode of heavy snow here in London in the new future as global warming and rapid climate change are, indeed, very real. 

On the 14th, I took a 5 hour coach to Exeter for an offer holder day and apart from arriving to the talk super late and it raining heavily throughout the day, it was a really good day. It even opened up more questions in my mind about which course I want to do exactly. A few weeks later, I received an email on my UCAS track telling me that Durham had not offered me a place. I was at Ambra's house and her sister had just asked me if I'd heard back from them when I got the email to say that there had been an update. And whilst Ambra and her sister, Fran, were like "yeaaa you've totally got an offer!!!!!" something inside was like nah. Thankfully the brutal Oxford rejection helped a bit (never thought I'd say that) and I kinda brushed it off as a 'it was not meant to be' thing and it's true. I decided to show Ambra the wonder that is CMBYN and immersing myself in the depths of romance and everlasting Italian summer (and crying at the end scene...again) was more than enough to take my mind off things. Ever since then, the idea of a gap year has been at the forefront of my mind. It has been something I was considering since October/November but now it's all the more enticing and I'm already planning what I might be doing.

At the start of the Easter holidays, we spent a few days away in the countryside which I wrote more on here. Although we had originally planned to go abroad, this short road trip 2 hours away from London was more than enough. I also spent Easter Sunday in Brighton with a few friends (Lexie, Katie and Libby) which was so lovely and reminds me of all the good things that have come out of my blog, like genuine friendships and discovering new places together. I'll save the photos for a full post. I've been spending most days of this holiday in the quiet area of my local library in preparation for my final A-level exams which has been as enjoyable as you can imagine.

I've said it on twitter before but browsing Ryanair and then going onto AirBnB to look for apartments is my favourite pass time and lets me escape a little during those revision breaks. I then found tickets to Venice for £55, texted my mum to tell her that I would be going to Italy from the 2nd till the 6th of July and then booked it which adds another city to my summer! I've already made a Pinterest board for Venice as well as Madrid and Marrakech and it's safe to say that I am very excited to float around the canal ridden city, get lost in winding streets and take in the Italian summer- think gingham, flowy dresses, red lips and big sunglasses. I may also try and go to Milan and stop off at Crema for a few hours too and live my CMBYN dreams to full potential, who knows. A few days ago I went to my friend Aina's art exhibition (wooooo!!!) and roamed around the Brick Lane and Shoreditch area before deciding to make the 20 minute walk home instead of taking the bus. 

On Tuesday, my sister and I spent a whole day in Soho for free, unlimited ice cream at Ben and Jerry's. It was a day very well spent and the weather came through. I'm so excited for the 20+ degree weather next week. 

what i've been reading/watching-
Oh how excited I've been to write this section! I finished Where Angels Fear To Tread by Forster and I mean, there's a reason why he's my favourite novelist. I also read Call Me By Your Name (no, I will not shut up about it) early on in the month and reviewed it here. It's safe to say that it is my all time favourite book. Then, on a Friday afternoon, I decided to go and watch it at the cinema alone. I had wanted to watch the film for months but always told myself that I should read the book before doing so and then by the time I did that, most of my friends had already watched it. I don't know why there's such a massive stigma around going to the cinema on your own because you're essentially alone throughout the film anyway. I adore the film and have watched it once again, ever since.

I also read When Breath Becomes Air after Eleanor recommended it which was an amazing book and so interesting to read as it explores a real story of a highly-esteemed neurosurgeon advancing from being a junior doctor up to the best in his field and then his diagnosis and subsequent conversion from being the physician to the patient. Perhaps what I liked the most about the book was the fact that the author himself had a few detours in terms of his academic path. He studied and graduated with a degree in English Literature and then moved onto route of medicine. As someone who has thought of studying on either side of the spectrum (History and Spanish or Biological Sciences/Medicine) it did offer some form of reassurance that I just because I go down one path, it doesn't mean I can't go down the other later on in life.

I then read Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine which was slightly anti-climactic given all the hype it's gotten recently but nonetheless a really nice read and it was a great way to just disconnect a bit and read something that wasn't so emotionally demanding. Then I read Girl Boss by Sophia Amoruso as a more light-hearted read but motivational nevertheless. I took out Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes as I figured it'd be a nice read and quite relevant to my Spanish studies. I bought two books from a tiny Oxfam in a small town from £2.50 each: Purple Hibiscus by Chiamanda Ngozi Adichie and 100 years of solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

In terms of films, my sister and I had a rota on for last week so we watched Coco which I loved so much, Ferdinand which was equally as good and actually works as a source to cite if I have a question about the cultural heritage in Spain in my oral exam lol and Paddington 2 which was adorable. I cried at all three films, naturally. I also watched The Man from U.N.C.L.E and was pleasantly surprised when I saw Armie Hammer on screen again- I'm not one for spy films but this one was so well done and the actors and soundtrack were perfect. I decided to watch Lady Bird too which I enjoyed but ultimately don't get the hype about. I am, however, obsessed with saying "l'enfance nue" in a terribly American accent and having my mum correct me and then questioning me on why I keep muttering the words naked childhood over and over again. 

what i've been listening to-

There's this Italian song from the late 60s which I have literally been listening to for hours, non-stop since Easter. I discovered it through a random playlist on Spotify and am so thankful I did because it's such a beautiful song and I love being able to see how far my Spanish will stretch and try to mentally translate Italian. You know, just normal things. It's called 'Che Vuole Questa Musica Stasera' and I've inserted a link down here if you'd like to listen to it. I'd also recommend you lookup the translated lyrics! I also love the CMBYN (instead of a drinking game for each time I mention my history coursework like in my last instalment of this post, take a shot each time I mention CMBYN)  soundtrack on spotify and here are a few songs that I really like: Mystery of Love, Une Barque Sur L'océan, Futile Devices, Love My Way, Visions of Gideon (if you know, you know), and Plastic. I would 10/10 recommend you listen to said songs, I've linked my spotify playlist here if you'd like to check the songs out. Oh, and the song that the band is playing in Lady Bird is also really good, yet another link if you'd like to listen.

what i want-

I would really like to visit Barcelona for a few days at the end of summer. I don't really want many clothes but I've seen a red long wrap front polka dot dress in Next and a black polka dot dress on Asos which are fab. Do you spot (ha) a trend here? I went to the Brandy Melville sale yesterday as they had reduced everything to £5 and whilst I only came out with a few items (it was chaos in there) I think my spring and summer wardrobe is pretty much sealed. I did see a pair of mules on Zara's website but think I'll pass on them considering the majority of my blogger friends heavily rebuke them and my insta poll showed that 52% of viewers despise them greatly. enemies of progress. 
what i've been anticipating-
My actual, official, real real real Spanish oral at the end of this month. I am simultaneously bricking it and also pressed at the fact that last years cohort didn't have to do theirs till mid/late May.

I've been wanting summer more than ever right now! I finish school for study leave on the 25th of May which is almost a month away, it's crazy to get my head around because it officially marks the end to the rigid structure you follow blindly all the way from primary school. We have a leavers event called 'Strawberries and cream' which is exactly what it says on the tin. You eat strawberries and cream in the courtyard with your whole year group and dress in semi-nice clothes and pretend that you're going to miss everyone dearly. Woo!

I'm going to end this here because this post is hideously long and one more paragraph and I would basically be giving you my whole life story. I've also realised how much I've linked onto here so as if this post wasn't enough the links you click on will lead you to more of my blog posts, my friends' blogs and new music.

What's been going on in your life?

recent blog posts! 
CMBYN book review
The end of an era
Feeling stuck 
A few days in the countryside- photo diary and stories
Cards and stuff